proustbot: (But it was she and not the sea we heard)
I.


VIDALIA: "Guys, guys, did you know that 'Philadelphia' literally means 'brotherly love'?"

EVERYONE IN THE WORKROOM: "Yes."

ME: [only half-paying attention] "Yes, but I know Latin, dude."

EVERYONE IN THE WORKROOM: "...It's Greek, actually."

II.


M: [loudly from the bathroom] "Ay, carajo!"

ME: "Is everything okay?"

[long pause]

M: "Oh, it's just that I almost accidentally used your toothbrush."

ME: "Oh, okay."

M: "But I didn't use it. But I'm just going to rinse it under the tap for a while anyway. For no reason."

III.


REYNARD: "Hey, does your roommate still have my bedside dresser?"

ME: "Uh, maybe. I guess you want it back before you leave the country, huh?"

REYNARD: "Not necessarily. I'd be willing to sell it to your roommate outright for twenty-five dollars--"

ME: "Okay, sure."

REYNARD: "--or just give it to you for free."

ME: "..."
proustbot: (young and drinking in the park)
I.


On Sunday there was a lunar eclipse of a blood moon. It had been cloudy all evening, so I didn't think it would be visible, but when I left the house at 9:30 pm to trudge grimly to campus, the skies had cleared and the moon -- orange and smudged with darkness -- was there.

So I listened to Night on Bald Mountain as I walked through the night and watched the moon hanging above me. Behind my department building is a dark little area -- grass and a decorative pond, shielded by trees on three sides and completely without lampposts or lights. It would be a great place to commit a murder, and it was there that I stretched out on the cool grass and crossed my arms behind my head and watched the eclipse proceed, bit by bit, to the sounds of Bernard Herrmann's Psycho soundtrack.

I was on Day 4 or 5 of severe sleep deprivation, and all day, if I moved my head too suddenly, I had experienced a split second of vertigo. I experienced those moments of dizziness again as I lay there, and I stretched out further -- with the voice of my old yoga teacher trilling vertebra by vertebra as I did so -- and as gray clouds drifted across the corrupted face of the moon, I thought, And this, too, shall pass.

II.


I realized this week my current depressed funk lines up precisely with the anniversary of last year's depressed funk, and the agent of my low-level despair is, in fact, identical.

Last year, I clutched little crumbs of comfort to my heart when I could and spent a lot of time lying to myself about said agent's motivations. And crying by myself. Admittedly last year's fall also featured "seasonal affective disorder" and "living alone, the worst idea," so there were some contributing factors. But last October was generally wretched, and its only bright spots were a) a glorious phantasm, b) apple-picking, and c) getting very drunk with M. in the worst bar in our neighborhood.

This year, two-thirds of those comforts are cut off from me (although drinking with M. remains an evergreen occupation). This year, I want to be wiser and stronger and squint into what is, in fact, the identical sad-making scenario based on the identical sad-making circumstances and whisper, "Nope, not this time."

These are the things I want.

III.


This afternoon, as I wandered into the library in a state of general dishevelement, I ran into B., who was coming up the stairs with Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Risky Business in hand.

"Hey!" I said. "When's your test?"

"It was this morning," B. said. "It didn't go very well."

"Oh, well, I'm sure it was...better than you think..."

He shrugged. "Can I have a hug? I think I really need a hug right now."

"Sure," I said, glancing at the coffee cup in my left hand and the umbrella in my right. "Sure, come on in here, honeybunny."

He hugged me gingerly and then stepped back. "Was that a weird request? I'm sorry if it was a weird request."

"No, dude, it was fine," I said. "Don't worry about your test any more. Go watch your movies."

He put his hand on the door and then paused, turning back to me. "Do you want to come to the H. tonight? Some of us are going..."

"Um," I said, because this was clearly a group outing from which I had been excluded, though B. had not realized it. "No, no, I can't, sorry."

"Okay," he said, peacefully oblivious. "See you later."

Then I went down to my carrel and rested my forehead against the cool desk and thought, This month is going to be wretched too, I see.

IV.


Then I made plans to go hang out with my brother.
proustbot: (led by your beating heart)
[via gchat: Memo mentions something he is reading]
MEMO: you want this reference? cause i thought, [personal profile] proustbot is, i guess, arguing otherwise
MEMO: unless your dissertation thesis turns out to be
MEMO: after reviewing the documents, I discovered that nothing happened

(The best dissertation argument ever!)

How I Met Your Mother 1x09-1x12: Belly Full of Turkey, The Pineapple Incident, The Limo, and The Wedding )
proustbot: (young and drinking in the park)
Me and How I Met Your Mother )

How I Met Your Mother 1x01-1x03: Pilot, Purple Giraffe, and Sweet Taste of Liberty )

Um, this got longer than I thought it would. What can I say? I like How I Met Your Mother.
proustbot: (clint eastwood)
Within 24 hours of arriving home, as I was unpacking and reeling from jetlag, my former roommate Memo called me up. He had an emergency! He needed me to come with him and help him buy khaki pants right away!

Reader, I went to the Gap with him.

The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club and Lord of Chaos )
proustbot: (Mendou Shutaro)
Hey, guys, remember when we were all fourteen-years old and filling out quiz-memes on our LiveJournals?

Let's return to those times!!1 )
proustbot: (Mendou Shutaro)
[SCENE: A cafe in Madrid]

FORMER ROOMMATE: "[livejournal.com profile] mutantkoala, do you still keep that online blog thing?"

ME: "Yes..."

FORMER ROOMMATE: "Do you ever write about me on it???"

ME: "..."

FORMER ROOMMATE: "Because I hope you do!!!"

ME: "Oh, in that case, sure, I write about you all the time, dude. All the time."


Catching Fire, Thud!, and Franny and Zooey )
proustbot: (Floreat Etona)
I.


GOSLING: [to me] "I realized last night that I've never left your house sober."

II.


ME: "So I've decided to crash your seminar this semester!"

SIMON: [deadpan] "Oh, good. It'll add a nice 'I do what I want' element to the conversation."

III.


WIFE E: "They're words from World War I. Made-up words! Words of convenience! Words that dying men scream from the trenches!"

IV.


FORMER ROOMMATE: "You're coming to visit me, right? Remember: what happens in Spain stays in Spain. If you know what I mean."

ME: "Does that mean we can kill a man with impunity?"

FORMER ROOMMATE: "Yes. Just like that singer whose song you're always quoting when I ask you personal questions! Like, 'Do you have any secrets you want to tell me,' and you say, 'Well, this one time in Reno...'"
proustbot: (Liberty Leading the People)
I.


[SCENE: It's noon. A. and I just got home to find The Dude at our kitchen table. We prepare to start baking cookies. He is still in his PJs.]

ME: "Should we start drinking? I think we should start drinking. Hey, Dude, do you want a beer?"

THE DUDE: "Well, I think...guys, I think that I shouldn't start drinking for the day until I take a shower at least, you know?"

ME: "Yeah, that sounds like a pretty good rule of thumb. For life."

II.


SUFFOLK: "I swear, if he does not wear a tux, I'm going to beat him to death with a chair."

III.


ME: "So my mother thought that your facebook profile picture was actually a picture of you..."

FORMER ROOMMATE: "Really? Oh man, I can imagine that call home: 'Hey, Mom! My roommate is really cool! He's from Peru! He has a beard, he's kind of short...and he's fifty years old.'"
proustbot: (Floreat Etona)
ME: so friday night he and a friend got drunk on that high porch beside the kitchen
ME: and got locked out

MEMO: jajajajajajaja

ME: and so he picked up a chair and broke a window to get back in the house

MEMO: no
MEMO: no
MEMO: impossible

ME: YES

MEMO: you are making that up
MEMO: that is simply too stupid
proustbot: (Default)
ROOMMATE: "What is your favorite animal?"

ME: "Um..."

ROOMMATE: "My favorite animal is the cow."

ME: [laughing]

ROOMMATE: "What? What is it? What's wrong with cows?"

ME: "No, no...I was just going to say a predator or something, like a lion or a wolf. But cows are cool, I guess. I mean, it could have been worse. You could have said...I don't know, a sloth or something."

ROOMMATE: "Hey, sloths are really cool!"
proustbot: (clint eastwood)
  • "Dude," my roommate's girlfriend yells from the bathroom, "I can hear rats fighting in the alley."

  • I have killed an awful lot of roaches in the past forty-eight hours. I am biding my time for the moment, but I soon may need to sit my roommate down and broach the delicate subject of the Orkin Man.

  • We are stealing Internet from some poor soul who is broadcasting unsecured wi-fi from a network named "linksys."

    Ah, yes, the life of the mind.
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