May. 26th, 2015

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WIFE E: [after telling me a tale of woe] "Sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your day."

ME: "Hmm? I mean, you didn't. You couldn't. You're talking to someone who has seen Mad Max: Fury Road three times in its first week of release and who is currently eating a 'Pumpkin Pie'-flavored Pop-Tart. I am pretty unflappable at the moment. I am living my Best Life."

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